no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
