I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
