You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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