dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
