How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
