lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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