Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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