Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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