Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How external is "for external use only"?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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