Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Randomize
