she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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