so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
