ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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