My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
