good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
