If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
