sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
