That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
