dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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