i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
