Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
