he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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