Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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