i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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