i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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