my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
