drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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