The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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