fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
