I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
