I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
