I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
