I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
