To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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