sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My feet surprised me
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