Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
