I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
