You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I cut my penus on the lid.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
