Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
