I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
