ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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