How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
