Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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