i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
