my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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