I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
