I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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