he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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