I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
