Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
