it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
