I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
