who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
