Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
